The Sunday Currently Vol. 17

Forgive me, pleasssse?? It’s been a long while since I gave an update for this blog. Well, to be honest I have drafted two blog posts but it’s been a struggle to finish it. I don’t know why it’s like that, though. Maybe I’m not feeling it? Or I’m just too lazy to function? Hard to tell. Although, I have a strong feeling towards the latter.

Anyway, my weekends have been occupied for the last few weeks or couple of months. And weirdly enough, I kind of like it that I’m always out of the house every weekend. Though, I value my resting time, I feel more relaxed whenever I’m out somewhere.

The 1st quarter of 2019 has been challenging. Maybe it became that way because I was a bit too careless when it came to laying down my plans for this year. I was not dedicated and committed enough to put an action to my supposed plans. March is almost done, and I haven’t actually made a progress with my writing projects. I’m afraid that I’ve become stagnant or rusted because I haven’t written anything for quite some time. I do pray to the heavens above that I get to be more productive for the rest of the year just like I promised to myself last year.

READING

Nothing, really. Which is quite embarrassing. I actually entered the reading challenge of Goodreads and I remember putting in 6 books as my goal for this year. I haven’t started anything yet. At the same time, those unfinished reads I have on my shelf, still unfinish.

WRITING

Still the same sitch. Because I haven’t done any writing for a long while, I can’t seem to will myself to get back into the habit. Maybe it’s just plain laziness but it’s been a struggle. I can also easily blame it on my surroundings, you know, being not conducive enough for some writing.

Having said that, I did start something of a short story. However, it’s not done yet. Finding it hard to find my groove, you know. So, I’m praying really hard that I get that drive back into my system.

LISTENING

Random songs from Spotify. I’m trying to update all my playlists.

THINKING

A bit of a random thought: Cheating in relationships. (Not that I have any experience with this one.) I just thought how unfair it’ll be to the person who’s been cheated on. And to the other person who gets in between two people in a relationship, have you no conscience??

WISHING

For a full body massage. And a pedicure.

HOPING

As first quarter of 2019 draws to an end, I hope that I can be more productive with my writing projects. Here’s hoping that I can set a concrete goal and plan for the future.

WEARING

My sleeping clothes, an old striped shirt with a hole by the armpit area and red boxer shorts

NEEDING

A miracle, pleasssse

FEELING

I got a couple of answers here…

Overwhelmed, I guess. So much stuff is happening around me that I tend to neglect some other important details in my life. It feels as if there’s so much going on in my brain, that I’m finding it hard to keep up.

Lazy. I feel as if I lack the drive to do something productive. Which is bad because how am I supposed to get to my goal if I stay dormant?

And, oh, hungry.

WHATEVER

Conversation with a teammate regarding how I should dress up to be more feminine.

And also talks about crushes.

And that not every relationship ends in a happy-ever-after.

The Sunday Currently is originally from Siddathornton

Wrapped Up 2018 Quite Nicely

I have this kind of a love-hate relationship with 2018. While I was gifted with triumphs, I was also wounded with some struggles. But despite all that I couldn’t say that 2018 has been a terrible year.

So in this attempt of a year-ender, let me share some highlights I’ve gathered this past year.

So let me start with the so-called life of a wannabe an athlete…

I can easily say that every individual has a competitive streak in their system. Regardless if he/she is an athlete or just any regular individual, there is something within us that we wanted to show that we are the best at something. The degree just varies per person, but still, it’s there. So, in my case since I’ve been with my dragonboat team for more than 2 years, and that competitiveness apparently got stronger (I really didn’t think I have it in me). So, it’s natural to feel motivated to win or to be hungry for that win. But it’s not that easy. After going thru a number of races locally and one in Malaysia, it was evident that there’s still a lot more to learn.

We’ve encountered teams who’ll do anything to be called the best and also teams who are so full of themselves that losing is not an option. Everyone wants to win but since we were instilled the idea of winning is a process, it taught us to be more hardworking, and to have more discipline. Plus it taught us be humble.

I’m glad to have met this group of people because this is something that I’m rather unfamiliar with but has gotten myself to feel comfortable around them . It’s refreshing to know that I do have a life outside the usual routine. Plus, honestly, I love the positive effect it gives to my whole physique, I mean, I never have muscles before. You know, toned muscles. I’m rather proud of my back muscles.

On to the next one…

For the past eight years, I’ve invested so much of my time, energy, and even money in this part of my life. Of course, this is my CYP life. It has become a big part of my life that it has already became a part of my identity. Most of the people I know are in this community. So much stories to tell while I’m with this group of people.

Though, I’ll never get tired of this service, once in a while it gets tested to the point that I question whether if it’s still all worth it or not. I even try to comprehend whether I’m doing this for myself or for others. Yeah, it gets exhausting and stressful because as I see it, this community is just any other organization. Conflict arises, commitments are tested, and even relationships get strained.

We held a number of activities for the year, and it wasn’t all light and breezy. I remember the moments wherein I thought I’m going to lose it, moments wherein I was on the verge of quitting, moments wherein there was just so much grudge in me it affected my relationship with some people.

No one likes conflict but it is something inevitable to any organizations. And to tell you the truth, I realized that conflicts is one way of building stronger relationships with people. It does create deeper understanding among the members. And I guess this is the beauty of being in a charismatic community. We learn to forgive and better understand one another. And at the end of the day, the real reason for the existence of this community is because of the Big Guy up there.

Now this is the part which is not exactly a proud moment for me.

A few years back, I started a writing project which is apart from another project I was doing then. I said back then that this writing project is short and it’s not going to take a long time to finish. Maybe a within a year or two.

You guessed it. Almost 4 years, and I’m not done yet. What sucks even more is that I’m still working on the outline. It feels like I’m stuck since I’m struggling with the whole plot. This is my writing roadblock. And this roadblock is sucking all the motivation and drive I have to continue this project.

Maybe I didn’t think this through. Ooooor, I maybe I was overthinking it which is why I can’t seem to organize my thoughts. But I know, I know, I shouldn’t quit. I should get going. I mean if I’m going to make a career out of this, I really shouldn’t stop. One writing slump moment shouldn’t be a reason for me to quit.

Here’s hoping that I could get a lot done for 2019. I hope I can finish it. That way, I’d know what to do next.

In the end, it wasn’t a terrible year. I’m glad that I was able to travel and to try on some new things. Maybe the reason why 2018 wasn’t that terrible was because I chose to ignore the negativity. Yes, I’ve encountered a number of unpleasant things but I didn’t let it take over my system. Because I know I have the capacity to choose on how to live a rather pleasant life.


So, 2019, let’s get it on…

The Sunday Currently Vol. 16

Later, I’m going to write some kind of a year-ender thing because there’s just too much to tell to just let it rot inside me and remain as memories. Anyway, I’m technically doing some general cleaning of the room but I guess you could say I’m taking a break. Yeah, I’m not really good with productivity in general. Not helping is the fact that I’m “cleaning” while watching some series in Netflix. The biggest accomplishment so far was cleaning up my desk.

And in the span of the whole cleaning thing, I was able to continue watching Brooklyn Nine Nine aaaaand I was able to start watching You. Had to break from You because it’s getting a little intense for my taste hence the rewatch of B99.

READING

Honestly, I’m putting off this blog series because I have not finished the book I’m reading, you know, the one I got from the blind date thing with a book. I know, I know 2018 is going to end and there’s like a third left from the book and this just goes to show that 2018 is not my year for, uh, reading. I actually hate it. Seeing my books from the shelf, it’s as if they’re mocking me or something. Should I make a new year resolution for my reading or I shouldn’t because that is something that is guaranteed to fail from the start? Gaaaad, what has happened to me???

WRITING

Another reason why I’m putting off this blog series. After that day where I was able to write some more for the outline I’m working on, I was left with nothing once again. Although, I did write something for this blog. Some kind of a musing and it shows how rusty I am right now. Facepalm ten times. Ugh. Buuuuut, I know I shouldn’t put this one off especially if I’m going to make this my goal or something. Which is why I’m making 2019 the year for creativity. Sounds like a big plan but I think it’s doable I just need discipline.

Plus, as I was cleaning my desk and the nearby shelf, I realized that I need to use my notebooks/journals and notepads. It’s insane that I was able to collect that much and not even half of them has been used.

LISTENING

It’s actually quiet here at home. I was actually expecting to hear some fireworks from a distance but I guess the fireworks regulation something is being strictly implemented.

THINKING

I’m actually trying to work on how I can make 2019 more productive in terms of my writing.

WISHING

I wish I didn’t have to work tomorrow. It’s a holiday and I just want to do something else than work.

HOPING

I’m really hoping that this coming year will be a great one. I mean 2018 is fine, but here’s hoping that 2019 will be better.

WEARING

Last night’s clothes haha: a blue pajama bottom and a shirt with faded Manhattan skyline print

NEEDING

I need to exercise and to control my eating. Lard knows how hard this is going to be when training resumes.

FEELING

Hmmm, bored? Restless? I’m not sure because I’m not used to doing nothing for a long period of time.

CRAVING

For something sweet. I’ve been eyeing this box of chocolates my sister got from her office. And it’s not those commercialized chocolates, it’s those fancy ones that is kept in aΒ  big box. But there’s only like a few of them inside and each piece has its own description written at the back of the cover. Yep, I’m drooling. (And I can’t just get one, I think my sister is keeping track of each piece.)

The Sunday Currently is originally fromΒ Siddathornton

A Walk

Marching down this wet pavement, the scent of last night’s rain still lingers on, I stop midway.

The end of the road is just ahead of me, just a few meters away. But I feel as if I got a long way to go.

I hear children running, tourists taking photos, vendors selling their items , and even the musical fountain dancing just a few feet away. I hear all of it, but my mind is somewhere else

Everything’s black and white, and the only thing I hear now is the sound of my breathing.

I remember the days when we walked hand in hand.

I remember the days when we shared one headset just because I’ll always forget mine.

I remember the days when we played the same playlist over and over again.

I remember the days whenever we see few passersby snuck a glance towards us and rolled their eyes.

But everything is just a memory now. Life has been cruel to me for letting me drift to these fragments of the past. No matter how much I lock them away, they always find their way back to my consciousness.

A bicycle horn goes off behind me and I’m awaken from my somber thoughts.

Thank you random stranger for waking me up, even though you gave me that reproachful look. Thank you that I didn’t let myself be completely consumed once again by the memory of you.

Everything has color again as I embrace the last traces of the cool breeze from last night’s rain. Who knows when these memories will come back to haunt me again?

I walk down this wet pavement, mustering the courage to put a smile on my face, blending in into the crowd.

*Not my best, effect of the lack of exercise. 2018 is not my year when it comes to my productivity. How many times have I berated myself to get out of the writing slump? Countless. And here I am, ending 2018 with not much to celebrate.

Saturdays in My City – 5

Spent the Saturday with this bunch for our last training session for the year. Ending it with a bang so we can start our 2019 strong (just like what the captain said). And yes, we are in the middle of Manila Bay, on top of pontoons.

*And yes, I’m well aware that I didn’t post this on a Saturday

The Sunday Currently Vol. 15

Let me just say that a long weekend is unhealthy for anyone who’s part of the working class. I mean seriously, I think I’ve reached the peak of this long weekend by Saturday evening. And now it’s Sunday evening, I don’t think I’ve fully recuperated yet. I guess I could blame the fact that I have to work on the non-working days. Albeit, it’s a work-from-home set up, I’d still much prefer to do something else.

I’m not ready to return to the real world yet; I’m still on vacation mode. I feel like I haven’t watched enough cheesy Christmas romantic movies and other rom-coms. And it’ll be few more weeks before my next vacation and long weekend. Can’t wait, actually.

READING

I’ve read few more pages from the book, Here’s Looking at You. And I’m surprised that I can still keep up with the plot. I will try to read some more tonight (hoping that I won’t get distracted).

WRITING

Three cheers for me, wooohooooo! I’m slowly getting out from my writing slump. Finally, I took the courage to open this writing notebook and continued writing this outline for my Kalaguyo project. Although, I’m feeling I’m going to get stuck again because I can’t seem to organize my thoughts.

LISTENING

It’s quiet right now in the house. And I’m surely going to miss this once we get back on the grind. Ugh.

THINKING

I was able to outline until chapter 20.25. And now a pile of ideas have scattered inside my brain and it’s a struggle to put them in order. I’m thinking, what do I write next?

WISHING

I wish for another day to laze around. And also, since training will resume on Tuesday, I really 10x wish that the docksite caretakers will install back the waterline or whoever is responsible for that.

HOPING

I hope I can continue this writing streak this week. Because I’m not sure if I’m going to have some free time this weekend.

WEARING

A fake, blue, Polo Jean Ralph Lauren shirt and sleeping shorts with print of cute turtles

NEEDING

I need to get out of the vacation mode.

FEELING

I know I said I need to get out of the vacation mode, but I’m still feeling too lazy.

CRAVING

For mainstream milktea. I bought this pack of milktea from Malaysia and I failed miserably to recreate what we had in Kuching.

The Sunday Currently is originally from Siddathornton

The Road to Sarawak Ends

It’s been almost a week since I got home from Malaysia, from the international race we’ve trained so hard for 4 1/2 months. The high I felt from that 4-day trip was so strong that I can still feel it at the moment, though, a little faint now.

We didn’t win, we only finished at the semis. As disappointing and heartbreaking it sounds, it didn’t feel that way. Yes, I guess, you could say we could’ve done better but like what the coach and the captain has constantly reminded us, there should be no regrets after this race. And you know what, they’re right. Because I know I gave my best. There were just better and stronger teams who competed and I’m just glad that we’re still able to finish at the semis.

There was a little drama because I guess this little competitive side of me tried to take over my whole system. And partly because I was PMS-ing so I was feeling a little emotional (FYI, it was my 1st day during the 2nd day of the race). Anyway, there was a tensed moment and I was not really proud on how it transpired. But in the end, I think the ladies has cleared it all up.

Kuching, Malaysia was colorful and fun and I guess I could attribute that fact to our positive attitude towards the whole racing experience. And I got to admit that it was really fortunate that we were instilled the idea of “winning is a process.” I mean, yes, everyone has this competitive streak in them and everyone wants to win but just because you want it, doesn’t mean it will come easily. Nope. (But I guess other teams are just lucky like that). We learned that it takes hardwork, commitment, and to trust the process to get that end reward. So, for the meantime, focus on progression.

I want this experience to be a motivation. As easy as I could declare that I just want to paddle and couldn’t care less about winning or losing, I cannot. What’s the point of progression, learning, and hardwork if there’s no goal, right? And it won’t be human of me if I say, “I don’t care about winning.” There is always this small amount of pride in us that wants to see the result of what we worked hard for.

Two more races to go before the year ends then it’s season break once again. I will still work hard just the same and hopefully, the team can finish this year on a positive note.